In watching the latest episode of “Haven” an original weekly offering from Syfy (airing Friday’s 10/9c) I stumbled upon this operative quote from FBI agent-on-vacation Audrey Parker (played by Emily Rose): She asks: “You know what’s not working for me?” My devilish inner voice responded: “uhhh, this episode?”
More on that later, but first what is Haven? It’s loosely based on a Steven King novella: “The Colorado Kid.” The stories central premise revolves around its main character Parker, who arrives in the New England town of Haven “on a routine case.” The town’s odd goings-on grab her attention (which might have a link to her past), and before you know it she’s calling the boss asking for an extended vacation to investigate. She gets paired with the towns taciturn, angular, haunted regular-guy cop Nathan Wournos (played by Lucas Bryant).The stage is set for mystery: there’s the famous King/Lovecraft fascination with what is evidently the creepiest place in America, New England (just barely beating out New Orleans and its swampy vicinity). There’s the Puritan priest with a past (no, not that kind… he drinks). Then there’s the mysterious stranger Duke Crocker, played by Eric Balfour. Duke Crocker? Is his mom’s name Betty?
So (oh, spoiler alert), directly to episode two, “Butterfly.” To get the ball rolling literally, we are treated to a giant ball rolling down Main Street and finally smashing through the front wall of the town’s local watering hole. That’s weird, huh? The likely culprit, the town priest who is no fan of booze (a conclusion he evidently reached after sampling humongous quantities, then finding THE LORD), oh and his daughter works there on the sly. Do we have issues young lady?
Anyway, after that, our intrepid FBI agent gets wrapped in a giant cocoon. Then the angry priest’s St. Christopher medal gets magnetized to a car, as another car races towards him, narrowly avoiding a priest sandwich. Finally, there is a tried and true live wire and water scenario. Needless to say, we eventually find the real culprit and everything goes back to normal until the next episode.
So is this one of the best show’s you’re not watching? Awkward!
Listen, I’m willing to give it time, and attention, and the benefit of the doubt. X-files took some time to get up to speed as well. But this whole episode was totally baffling. Let’s say, for instance, you just got wrapped up by a giant cocoon. Do you then, after being freed, sit in your room with said cocoon lying on the floor and have a rational discussion about suspects? You just got wrapped in a giant cocoon? This is not Mothra, this is Maine! “YOU GOT WRAPPED IN A GIANT COCOON.”
And then there is the dialogue. At one point, the owner of the destroyed bar admits he was about to fire the drunk priests daughter. Parker and Wournos move away and whisper conspiratorially “If he were firing her, it would give her motive to destroy the place.” Really? My God Holmes, you’re a genius!
It’s really hard to make a series like this work. The writers either have to be either smarter than the audience (see “X files” or “Fringe”), or know how the whole thing ends up (see “Lost”), or you can introduce a rational foil to point constantly point out that this is all completely absurd (Scully, oh how I miss Scully). This series doesn’t have any of those things going for it… yet. I’ll keep my fingers crossed.
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I am Kevin. My favorite things are being a husband, father, son, brother, and uncle. Beyond that, I read like a fiend. I play guitar, tin whistle, piano and accordion, and occasionally 'slapa de bass.' I play any video game by Blizzard... only about an hour a week. I run.
I haven't gotten enough sleep since my first kid was born in 2005. I really like my wife. I think my kids are funny. My dad is the guy I most admire. My mom was always there. I have good friends.
Most days I feel like the luckiest guy on the planet. On the other days, I keep my head down, keep moving, and count to 10 before I say anything out loud.