Jersey Shore
The episode began with Snooki drinking a cigarette and sleeping with Vinnie. Surely there are easier ways to get the taste of ash out of your mouth? Fortunately, neither person made a huge deal out of the situation (again), showing that at least two people in the house have the capacity for intelligent reasoning. Unfortunately, Snooki used the phrase “putting a watermelon into a pinhole”. That image will keep me up for weeks, and when I can’t sleep, I like to either eat a little watermelon or play with thumbtacks. I’m getting estimates for my impending civil suit as I write this.
The situation involving Sammi and the letter got more complicated, and it was not eased by The Situation, who alternately played Dr. Phil and halfway ratted out the girls to Sammi. JWoww insisted that she had nothing to do with writing the letter, which was a bold-faced lie, and tried to turn the entire predicament into a critique of Sammi’s unwillingness to trust anybody. Considering that JWoww was lying to Sammi’s face, I don’t think that JWoww had a good point. Ronnie, of all people, had to set things straight, then tried to be a shoulder for Sammi to cry on. “Time will bring us together,” he said. If you throw it right, popcorn can actually stick to your television screen. You need to put a little bit of water on it, but it CAN be done. If these two get back together, I will stage a violent protest in my own house.
The Situation decided to be a d***** for most of the episode. In addition to stirring the pot with all of the girls, he took home a girl that looked like she didn’t know a sheep-skin coat from an actual sheep. “The brains on that girl…she definitely went to college,” the Situation elaborated. Replace “brain” with “t***” and “went to college” with “had some work done”, and Situation is completely right. Actually, that’s probably how it sounded in his head. In any case, he took the girl home, planted her in his bed, then stopped to make a sandwich. Then he slowly ate that sandwich. He eventually got around to shagging the girl then called a cab for her and booted her from the house. That sort of thing usually takes a huge bite out of your karma bank, and Situation was no exception: later in the episode, he started putting the moves on a very unique woman. She looked like she had some work done, too—specifically, an addadiktomy. He was able to put the brakes on before anything too embarrassing happened, but hitting on a transvestite is embarrassing enough.
Angelina eventually told Sammi that JWoww and Snooki wrote the letter. This should have made her a dead woman walking, but fortunately for her, a bit of animosity was growing between JWoww and Sammi anyway, so when the cards were laid on the table, JWoww and Sammi were in each other’s faces. Then they started shoving each other, pulling hair, and other things involved with senseless, AWESOME violence. Somewhere, Joey Styles was yelling, “CATFIIIIIGHT!”
Next week, more stupid s*** goes down, the catfight incident becomes grounds for other housemates to air grievances, and Situation’s girlfriend is a slut. He wouldn’t be having this issue if he had just let his college-educated bimbo sleep over.
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John Downey is a recent graduate of MCLA and refers to New England as his "hometown". More of his work can be seen at his blog, http://www.tnhwdidid.blogspot.com/.
Lol. addadiktomy.
(d@mn – I hate it that such things still amuse me)
Sammi is a punk all day, a dumb bitch, a scary bitch, a lazy bitch (like almost every scene u see her laying in the bed) and a crying bitch! member last season when ronnie gave her the lightest push ever and next thing u know she back at the house crying talking bout “you traumatized me” rotflmao!! sammie is just a weak ass bitch, plain and simple