Building off of the events of last week’s episode, the Jersey Shore gang visited the University of Miami, gave a long lecture to its students about the importance of working hard instead of slacking off, and signed autographs for underprivileged and sick children. Actually, they got drunk and yelled at each other for an hour to the delight of millions, which is almost as good.
Snooki’s boyfriend, Emilio, became jealous of Snooki for hanging out around a few gay men, which triggered a fight that ended with them breaking up. Apparently, nobody told him that it’s been almost ten years since it’s been cool to be homophobic. Snooki did not take the breakup well, and was prone to crying fits throughout the day. JWoww comforted her, saying in confession, “If anyone deserves to be treated with respect, it’s Nicole.” In that case, she might want to stop calling her Snooki. Old pictures of Emilio were destroyed, giving him less opportunities to move from picture to picture and see what is going on in other places of the world. Snooki declared that she would start going out to the clubs more. That sounded like a threat to me.
JWoww was the one who put the letter—the letter describing Ronnie’s dumbass behavior that he managed to hide from Sammi—in a place where Sammi could read it. Sammi’s first reaction was to try to figure out who typed it. She ruled out the boys, since none of them seemed willing to corroborate any of the letter’s details (with the exception of Situation, who laughs at the letter’s contents but genuinely doesn’t seem to know where to find a computer). Angelina was ruled out because she wasn’t in the right place at the right time to be able to relay a first-hand account of what happened. This left JWoww and Snooki. JWoww wasn’t at the club to see what Ronnie did, which ruled her out, and Snooki…well, the letter contained the word “wisely”, which cleared Snooki. It didn’t occur to Sammi that Snooki saw what Ronnie did at the club and helped JWoww type a letter. If she didn’t know before, she knows now, since millions of people saw it happen on television. Maybe they thought they would all be in jail by the time the season started.
Sammi confronted Ronnie about the letter, which lead to a one-sided verbal fight. Ronnie essentially tried to make himself look like a good guy with a few flaws that Sammi can’t see past—“I come home to YOU every night!”. You might say that he was trying to bully her into staying with him. Sammi stood up for herself, though, and told Ronnie off with many choice words, finally ending this dog of a relationship. It was actually somewhat frightening to hear Ronnie use such manipulative language and mannerisms, as though this was his second-to-last resort and his fists would be the last resort if he wasn’t surrounded by cameras. Fortunately, Ronnie proceeded to call a honey at home and ask that she put on the “Varsity Blues” outfit when he gets home (if you don’t get the reference, I’m not going to explain it to you). If there is anyone from this show who deserves their own show, it is Drunk Ronnie. Not Ronnie himself, mind you, but a perpetually intoxicated Ronnie. That man deserves a statue of himself, to be placed in a bathroom of his choosing. If he starts getting violent, just give him an open glue stick. His hands will be stuck together for half a day.
There were other storylines, too, but nothing that took more than ninety seconds of air time or wound up meaning anything to anyone (a situation in which the boys ended up dealing with three hot chicks and their one ugly friend practically solved itself when the “grenade” fell asleep). That the tag team of Misery, Inc. were broken up is good news, since they won’t spend so much time being boring. If you are going to be trash television, you must be entertaining. Next week, more stupid s*** goes down, and the girls get into a fight over the letter. Like, an actual fight. With hair-pulling and stuff. I’m sure that Drunk Ronnie will also do something amazing, such as lock lips with butterfaces, dance like there is no one watching in a crowded club, and mispronounce common words like “appropriate” and “consent”.
Vinnie might also have a line or two.
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John Downey is a recent graduate of MCLA and refers to New England as his "hometown". More of his work can be seen at his blog, http://www.tnhwdidid.blogspot.com/.
I’m so sick of Sami saying “I’m done” “I’m done”!!! Then she goes right back to him. How stupid can you be?
Can’t wait for next week to see the fight …Love a good cat fight…
Five bucks Drunk Ronnie is gonna be featured on a future episode of Intervention…or Cops.
…ooor totally create a niche for himself as a TV personality and in a move to boost flailing ratings, HBO features him in the Entourage finale. You’d write about this, yes Vee?
Oh man, I’d be ALL over that!